[MUSIC - SPACE RAIDERS, "MIDDLESBOOGIE"]
One, two, Middlesboogie.
[phone ringing]
DAISY'S MOTHER [ON PHONE]:[SINGING] Happy birthday
to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Daisy!
Happy birthday to you!
Oh, happy birthday, Darling.
I just thought I'd ring andcatch you before you went out.
Oh, it's such a shame I won't see you.
But I really hope you cometo Auntie Irene's 40th.
It'll probably be the 15h, now.
Oh, no, not 15th, the 23rd of this month.
Not this month, no, not this month now.
This month coming.
So next month.
So call me and let me know.
Oh, and Susie's out ofhospital, which is a relief.
It was either going to be today or tomorrow.
And it was yesterday she came home.
So I thought you'd want to know.
[SINGING] Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday!
Thank you very much.
For what?
For my birthday song.
Oh is it your birthday?
How are you feeling this morning?
Very rough, actually.
I swear to God, I will neverdrink again until lunchtime.
Very wise.
So how does it feel to be 26?
Oh, a bit gassy.
Well, you know, getting old.
You'd be dead in four yearsif this was Logan's Run.
- Oh, that'd be terrible.- I know.
I look like a twat in a jumpsuit.
Don't say that, Tim.
That's a word that hates women.
What, "twat?"
No, "jumpsuit."
Ah! Look!
Oh, my god!
What's in the fridge?
Ooh!
Ah!
No!
Oh!
It's sweet.
[inaudible] Tim.
Oh.
Don't you like it?
I love it.
Is that me? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, mwah, happy birthday, Pickle.
[whispering] I'm going to do a wee.
Hi.
Oh, God.
Hi, Sophie.
God, I forgot you were here.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
So you got anything special planned?
I think we're just going togo out for dinner, you know.
That'll be nice.
Yeah, I mean, yeah,you can come if you want.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I'd love to.
That'd be great.
Oh, good.
Daisy's just invited meto the meal this evening.
Oh, that'll be cool.
I'm sure Marsha won'tget suspicious, you know.
I don't want to cause any trouble.
You're not causing any trouble.
I don't know why we just don't tell her.
Are you serious?
What are you going to say,oh, by the way Marsha,
we're ever so sorry, butwe're not really a couple
and we lied to you for a year just
so we could rent your flat.
God, we're evil, aren't we?
You did what you had to do.
You shouldn't feel bad about it.
We don't, do we?
Come on, then, you.
Where are you off to?
TIM: I'm just going to walkSophie to the Tube Station.
Oh, that's sweet.
Yes, it is, isn't it?
Yeah.
Bye.
See you later, Daisy.
Happy birthday.
Yeah, bye, Sophie, bye-bye!
What a bitch.
[ominous singing in latin]
Hey, I've got this really cool surprise
birthday cake for Daisy inthe shape of a typewriter.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah, I've been scheming for weeks.
I met this baker,Strawberry Sunday, right,
and we danced for, like, five hours.
And then we had this really involved
discussion about pasties.
And, yeah, anyway, he's doing me a deal.
So--
You're very sweet to Daisy.
- Yeah, I am, aren't I? - Yeah.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm in a very sweet guy.
No, you're a stupid cock.
Oh, well, thanks.
Two seconds.
[ominous singing in latin]
Hi.
Where were you?
When?
This morning.
I was in bed.
Why was today important to me, Tim?
I'm getting promoted to Sargent next week.
Don't forget.
I won't.
MIKE: I'm being promoted to Sargent on Saturday.
Don't forget. TIM: I won't.
[child laughing]
MIKE: What was that?
I'm being promoted to Sargent tomorrow.
Don't forget.
I won't.
Uh, yeah, I forgot.
- You forgot. - I'm sorry.
I thought you were my friend?
I am, Mike.
This was important to me.
I wanted you to see me get my stripes.
Well, Mike, what can I say?I'm sorry.
- It's her! - What?
Sophie!
You've only been with her two weeks,
and already, I'm yesterday's news.
It wasn't even as bad as thiswhen you were with Sarah.
Mike, you will always be my number one.
Then why are you treatingme like I'm a number two.
Look it's just-- it's been a long
time since I've had someonelike Sophie in my life, OK?
I'm just a bit excited.
You are mylongest-serving friend, Tim.
We've always done everything together.
Or have you've forgotten the good times?
No, of course not.
We were supposed to go ghost-hunting
in Highgate Woods last week.And you blew me out.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah, where were you?
I can't remember.
Yeah, well, I'm glad you're happy, Tim.
I'm glad you got your new girlfriend.
But don't forget who'sshoulder you cried on when
the last one dumped you.
I won't.
Or when Johnny Alpha gotkilled by that big fly monster
in 2000 AD.
Mike, I won't, honestly.
Oh, look it's Mike, look.
Look, Mike, do your eagle eyes.
Don't!
You hurt him, I'll kill you.
Did he mean that?
[laughs] Mm, yeah.
Knock, knock, knock!
Hello, birthday girl!
Hello, Marsha, how's it going?
Oh, I'm fine.
How are you?
Oh, I'm fine, 26.
Happy birthday, Darling.
Are you missing Amber, are you?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Many happy returns, Darling!
Oh, what can it be?
I thought you might like toput some makeup on tonight,
you know, doll yourself up a bit.
Yeah, I don't wear much, normally.
But-- woo, Rude Red!
Right.
Well, I best go off toThreshers, do the weekly shop.
You still up for a night of unadulterated fun?
Adulterate?
Are you still coming out tonight?
Oh, yeah, yeah, right.
I'll see you later.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Hi, Daisy, it's me.
Oh, hello, Twist.
Oh, it's so nice to speak to you.
I feel like I haven't seen you in ages.
You were at my birthday thing last night.
Oh, yea, that was you, wasn't it?
Look, do you want to come shopping?
Um, yeah I'd love to.
But I haven't got any money.So--
Oh, that's fine.
I don't need any.
Will you come and meet me?
- Where are you?- On the corner of your street.
MIKE: Hi, Twist. - Hi, Tim.
What are you doing on the corner of my street?
I can't explain now.
Just come and meet me.
All right, well, just give me a mo.
Oi!
Hi, Marsha.
I know what you're up to.
Did Mike tell you?
Does he know?
Well, yeah, I had to tell somebody.
You are a very bad man.
She loves you, that girl.
- Who does? - Daisy.
Does she?
Course she does.
Did she say that?
No, but it's obvious, isn't it?
Yeah, well, yeah, course,yeah, she's my girlfriend.
Yeah, well, you better tell her, Tim.
Because if you don't, I will.
But you'll spoil the surprise.
You bastard.
Marsha?
[crashing noises] Brian?
Brian?
I've finished with Brian.
Oh, oh, oh, my god.
Are you all right?
What about?
About-- how's Brian taking it?
Brian, no!
Oh, God!
Why!
This is new!
Sorry, I didn't see you.
What are you doing?
Expressing myself.
What, by chucking paint around?
Yes!
What's the matter with you?
Broken up with Twist.
Oh, shit, really?
What happened?
Sex, sex, sex, that's all it ever was.
I wanted something else, you know.
So he's single, then.
I'm just sick and tired of endless clashing.
What, your outfits?
Daisy!
I am not that shallow!
She's shallow, Brian.
You know, she's like Cordelia out of Buffy
the Vampire Slayer, and latterly,
Angel, the spin-offseries, which is set in LA.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, Brian, you're such a square!
Do you think she'll come tonight?
Oh, you know, she's Daisy's best friend.
You've just got to be strong, man.
I know.
You're going to be fine.
You're going to spend a long time
thinking that you won't be.
And then, one morning, you'llwake up and you will be.
And then, you know, for a while, you'll
miss the fact that you'renot, because it almost
seems scarier when you are.
Because, at least when you're not,
you've got something to cling to.
And then, when you've got over that,
then you're going to be fine, right?
Feeling better?
DAISY: That feel better?
Mm. is Brian coming tonight?
Yes, but he is my friend, Twist.
So--
I suppose so.
Well, at least we'll beseeing more of each other.
Yeah, I hadn't really thought of that.
Hey, why don't you try something on.
You always wear that shantytown look.
And it's really quite last-century.
I quite like the way I dress.
Shh, [whispering] listen, there's nothing
wrong with looking nice, Daisy.
You're not betraying thesisterhood just by brushing
your hair once in a while, hmm?
I just doubt there's anything that I
could get above my knees.
Go on.
It's your birthday.
DAISY'S MOTHER: [ON PHONE]I did update you on the Susy
situation, didn't I?
Well, far be it from me tospread malicious gossip.
But apparently, her GP is having an affair with
that woman at the dentist's.
Well, anyway, apparently--
DAISY: Mom, hi.
DAISY'S MOTHER: Oh, hello, love!
I didn't think you were in?- Oh, no.
I've been out.
DAISY'S MOTHER: What, since9:00 o'clock this morning?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
You know me, go, go, go!
DAISY'S MOTHER: Well, I'vegot a lot to tell you.
And you never phone me!
Happy birthday, Dumpling.
Thanks.
DAISY'S MOTHER: I've got some great news!
What's that?
DAISY'S MOTHER: Well, yourAuntie Caroline called me.
She said a vacancy's come upfor a features correspondent.
Anyway, she's going to tell youthe bumph about it in the post.
That's nice, isn't it?
And the best thing is it'son Colwyn Bay Gazette?
Well, that'd be right upyour street, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
DAISY'S MOTHER: Well, are you and Tim
doing anything nice today?
Um, we're just going out for a meal?
DAISY'S MOTHER: Oh, just the two of you?
No, no, no, us and a few friends.
DAISY'S MOTHER: Oh, well, you must be
really looking forward to it.
Yeah.
[MUSIC - LYNN HAMILTON, "ON THE INSIDE"]
He used to give me roses.
I wish he could again.
But that was on the outside.
And things were different then.
On the inside, the sun stillshines and the rain falls down.
And the sun and rain of Christmas
too, when morning comes around.
Hit me!
TWIST: There's nothing wrong with looking nice.
MARSHA: Thought you might liketo put some makeup on tonight.
TWIST: You're not betrayingthe sisterhood just by brushing
your hair once in a while.
MARSHA: Doll yourself up a bit.
[interposing voices]
Oh, god.
Oh, shit.
[lightsaber noise]
Right.
Hiya, sorry we're--
I'm late.
It was-- you know.
Delayed at the office, were we?
I had to pop in, yeah.
Yeah, I'll bet you did.
Right.
Shall I get some drinks?
I'd like a triple vodka, please.
Brian?
MARSHA: I'll have a bottle of red.
How many glasses?
One.
OK.
Bitter, Mike?
No, are you?
Would you like a pint of bitter, Mike?
Oh, yeah.
Soph-- ie.
Bourbon, Tim, straight up.
Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho.
[MUSIC - LISA STANSFIELD, "ALL WOMAN"]
I may not be a lady.
Wow.
But I'm all woman.
From Monday to Sunday, Iwork harder than you know.
[music slows to a stop]
Oh, hi, Daisy, how you doing?
Do you want a drink? - Uh, yes, please.
Yeah, I'll have a Bloody Mary, please.
Thanks.
You look nice, Daisy.
I wish I could dress down like that.
TIM: He's going to come over.
OK.
Hello.
Are you all right?
DAISY: Yes. TIM: Right.
Well, shall we?
Yes.
Merci.
- Are you going to the-- - Yes.
We're just going to the loo.
I can't believe you brought her here.
I actually thought it was quite nice.
So are you going to tell her?
Marsha, what is your problem?
I'll tell her, then.
Why do you want to spoil her birthday?
Look, every second you leave it,
it'll make it more painful for her!
What?
I'm going to tell her when she comes back.
- Don't you dare. - I will!
Well, if anyone's going totell her, it should be me.
Yeah, but you won't, will you?
No!
What's up?
DAISY'S MOTHER: I've got youa surprise birthday cake.
MARSHA: Tim's having an affair.
What?
Tim is having an affair with her.
What?
I seen them snogging in the front garden.
No, no, Marsha, it's not like that.
What do you mean?
No, no, it is like that.
And I'm sorry, Daisy, butshe means nothing to me.
It's not--
Tim, I just--
I think we should just tell her.
Tell me what?
She's in shock.
- I'm not in shock. - You're in shock.
- I'm a little bit drunk.- Daisy!
But I'm perfectly lucid.
Please.
Tim, it's OK.
- What's going on? - I think I should go.
Look, Sophie--
Marsha we're not really a couple.
You what?
We're not-- you know--we're not really a couple.
Phew, it's actually a relief to say it.
The thing is, we had to say wewere in order to get the flat.
But the truth is that we lied.
- You lied? - Yeah.
But, you know, we were desperate.
You know, we didn't thinkabout the consequences.
We just-- we didn't mean to hurt you.
We just-- it was like, youknow, the longer we left it,
we just--
- You lied! - Marsha--
MARSHA: Why?
Well, the advert said to"professional couple only."
- No, it didn't. - It did.
It didn't. I remember phoning.
The bloke was a bit of a prick.
I don't think he was listening to me.
Yep, yep--
Dave?
Yeah, hold on a second, please.
Hello, you.
Two bedroomed, fully furnished,
Streatham, 350 pounds a week.
Could you do that for me, I'm going to lunch?
You bet you!
Oh, it's professional couple only.
Sounds nice.
Professional couple only.
Sorry about that, Mrs. Klein.
Is that everything?
Great, that'll go in tomorrow.
I can't believe you liedto me, after all this time.
I bought you a present foryour anniversary, both of them.
I'm sorry.
Look, Marsha, please.
Just understand, OK, we weren't being malicious.
We just-- we didn't have a choice.
We really like that flat.
That was supposed to sound nice.
I suppose you lot all knew about this.
You must think I'm a complete idiot.
ALL: No.
Don't be angry.
How do you want me to be, Daisy?
I just found out my newlittle group of young friends
has been taking the piss.
Marsha--
No, Brian, I'm leaving.
DAISY: Where are you going?
Just away from you lot.
I really think I should go.
Sophie.
Now, look, Tim, I'll call you tomorrow.
Bye!
Nice one, Daisy.
I wasn't the one snoggingmy supposedly secret
girlfriend in the front garden!
Tim doesn't think about anyoneelse when she's with Sophie.
You just stay out of this, Mike, OK?
This has got nothing to do with you.
It's got everything to do with me, Tim.
I live in that house, too.
Now, I'm going to have to go back and live
with my mom because of you.
What do you mean because of me?
I'm not the one who told her!
Yeah, well, she wouldn'thave asked if you could have
kept your tongue in your mouth!
Well, I think we're all to blame, in away.
Oh, well, thank you verymuch, Mrs. Magnanimous.
You picked a fine time togrow a fucking conscience!
Brian, are you going to lethim speak to me like that?
- Yes. - What?
I'm not an accessory, Twist.
You can't just pick me up when you need me.
Oh, well, a good time to start getting
emotionally articulate, Brian.
Don't lay in to Brian!
Quit having a go at Brian!
Brian, I can't believe you!
After all we--
This is your fault!
Shut up, Mike!
Did you see her face?
Say, something, you weird little shit!
[interposing voices]
TIM: I did see her face.
But you're the one who started it!
You are so stupid, Daisy!
WAITERS: [SINGING] Happy birthday, dear Daisy.
Happy birthday to you!
Tim!
You know I'm allergic to wheat!
TIM AND DAISY: Oh, fuck off!
[screams]
Grow up!
TIM: You grow up!
Well, the way I see it, we have two choices.
We can call the police.
Or you can clear up this mess yourselves.
Who votes for clearing up?
Who votes for police?
Well, clearing up it is, yeah.
Good.
I'll get the mops, shall I?
I'm going home.
Happy birthday, Daisy.
What are we going to do?
We could go clubbing.
I mean about Marsha, Mike.
We've potentially destroyedher faith in the integrity
of today's youth, young adults.
We've got to pull together.
Or else we're going to lose everything.
So that's settled, then.
Clubbing it is!
Brian and Mike have gone to look for her,
see if she's on the street.
Well, there's hundredsoff-licenses in this area.
She could be in any one of them.
Yeah, well, you know, they might get lucky.
Anyway, we should stay in case she comes back.
OK.
Look, Daisy, don't worry, you know.
We'll sort this out.
We always do.
I don't know.
This feels different, serious.
We've had some good timeshere, though, haven't we?
Yeah.
Happy days.
Yeah.
MIKE: [ON RADIO] We'll be off then, Tim.
OK, man.
If we find Marsha, we'll contact you.
Yeah, we'll find her, Daisy.
I promise you.
We'll see you at the rendezvous.
OK, Tim.
Good luck.
[MUSIC - JOHN WILLIAMS, "FINALE" FROM THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK]